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Posts Tagged ‘Politics’

The Hour; or the BBC does Mad Men

Posted by idetest on August 5, 2011

Greetings Possums.

Well, it’s a warm day outside,  my landline won’t work so I can’t ring the tax department and demand money from them (a pastime I’ve grown to love), so instead of going out and getting a life I’ll stay inside and write to my non-existent readers on the internet.

Because they won’t judge me.

 

Today, we shall speak of the BBC’s latest attempt at pretending it’s not a vacuous, populist shadow of its once great self and can still churn out TV shows that don’t want to make your eyes vomit blood.

This show that they’ve made is The Hour; nineteen-fifties set period drama about the backstage drama of the first ever current affairs show on the aunty. It takes place with the Suez crisis as its backdrop and also seems to have a whole Cold War/espionage/secret spy murder story going on as well.

 

They are very pretty though. And at least they got the smoking in.

Its first episode, I’m sad to say, was crap. It was annoying, clichéd, had terrible music and presented its two leads (Romola Garai and painfully weedy Ben Whishaw) as little more than walking vox pops for the plot devices they were shoving down our throats. Did I mention the irritating incidental music?

It goes as thus: Spunky, posh bit of a crumpet Bel wants to be hard hitting journo but is bored to death in fuddy-duddy newsreels showing debutantes, so she and man boy Freddie decide to pitch a current affairs show that’ll have middle England gasping into its cocoa.

Unfortch. Freddie is a pleb and Bel has breasts so they aren’t good enough and need the help of slimy, mediocre but oh, so posh and connected Hector. Who, despite being married to a brain-dead trophy wife, spends a good thirty seconds trying to seduce Bel; before she drops her knickers and they make sweet nylon sheeted love all over her ugly nineteen-fifties Formica table.

Ugh.

Coupled with this is the actual plot of the Suez Crisis which it keeps on forgetting to include properly and the murder mystery thing. Which is so bland and so generic  a spy thriller that I can’t even remember it. Oh, wait; someone got thrown down a stairwell last episode.

 

Anyway, some thoughts about plot and the show in general;

1) It has Anna Chancellor, Romola Garai and Ben Whishaw. Three actors I love. Why is it not better? It could have been fabulous but they’ve obviously dumbed it down and focus grouped it out of any depth or originality.

2) Is Freddie supposed to be a virgin at nearly thirty? That’s the way they make him sound in the conversations.

3) Regarding the plot; was brain-dead wife’s hunky brother supposed to be the gay lover of the secretly-flaming actor/fiancé of the deceased debutante in the bathtub? Who knows?

4) That blond guy from Green Wing is ageing terribly.

5) I know it’s the BBC and so therefore has a budget of £2.70 and a bus fare but if they’re going to set something in nineteen-fifties London could we get a look at nineteen-fifties London, please?

6) Next time do better.

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Oh, Look, Another Video.

Posted by idetest on May 31, 2011

 

If this video doesn’t make sense to you then chances are we wouldn’t be friends. Just sayin’.

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Oooo Burn Finland!

Posted by idetest on May 9, 2011

Yeah, take that you herring eating, sauna obsessed Scandies!

(Actually just last night I was espousing to a couple of Spaniards that they could solve all of Spain’s unemployment and financial woes by invading Portugal – cause it’s not like anyone would notice, is it?)

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A Selection of Audio Visual Treats For Your Entertainment

Posted by idetest on January 9, 2011

Hola, well welcome to 2011.

Yeah, it’s pretty shit.

Anyway, here’s some funny youtube clips to make up for it.

 

Because life is better with Chloe.

 

 

My beloved Downton Abbey is premiering in the USofA soon and this is the only way Americans will understand it.

 

In other news:

  • Sudan will become two countries. So twice the civil wars and genocide!
  • Thousands of birds are falling from the sky and fish dying in rivers in America. This proves Obama is a socialist apparently (Oh, and it’s the end of the world).
  • Glee comes back to UK television on Monday. And I’ll see you all in July.

 

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Period Drama Fanboy

Posted by idetest on December 27, 2010

HOLY OUT OF WORK ACTORS GON’ GET A PAYCHEQUE BATMAN!

No, in all seriousness this will be a post about the new BBC remake of the 1970s classic Upstairs Downstairs.

Some thoughts.

  • It’s lost its comma, and is now just Upstairs Downstairs. Kind of like Kylie.
  • The kid who was the schizo emo (it’s okay, it’s not un-PC to call those mental freaks that) on Hollyoaks got a new job and is now a poor northern child with a dark secret. Big career move for him then.
  • Keeley Hawes got a job! She no longer has to try and flog Boots make up. The poor lass, she looked so miserable in those ads. and now look at her, she gets to wear hats and boss servants around! Is that a cool gig, or what?

I never watched the original, obviously; I was born a dozen years after it finished and unfortunately it did not remain in consideration for ‘television’s greatest masterpiece of all time’ like Brideshead Revisited or that one about the Indians (Indians Gone Wild? The name’ll come to me) so I can’t compare. But on reading some of the commentary about it one can say that it would have frustrated me.

It spanned thirty years yet no one aged or mentioned the fact that they’d never had a an ounce of character development over several decades. It’s that sort of thing which pisses me off about tv shows. That and token ethnic characters. But I digress.

This one however, lacks the original leftist bent that the two ladies what wrote it had originally intended and instead is portrayed as a glossy new drama full of Jane Austen moments of escapism from the drudgery of recession and snow blighted England circa 2011, dawn thereof.

The first epeisode…well, it was all a bit nice. The matriarch’s a bitch but she’s just old-fashioned and respects the servants, the wife is a bitch but she’s in over her head and feeling out of place-and probably (gasp) infertile and I’m sure by the end of the season her sister (her of the holey knickers. and not in the Catholic way) will have gone all political and banged and boffed the rather hunky blond chauffeur. Lucky cow.

Also what is it with hunky, blond politically aware chauffeurs? (cough theIrishoneinDowntownAbbeywhowastotallydoable cough)

Other than that, I can’t say I care a jot for the tweeny romance between aforementioned Schizo emo and the maid who is all crying and really overacts and does an incredibly annoying Cockney accent. Srsly. Bitch needs to sort that shit out.

I will of course wait patiently on the fence before I cast judgment though, it could be better than Downton Abbey, which drifted off course terribly towards the end of the season, it could be worse. But at the moment I’m just left thinking “Is there a point? Will they get to it soon? And why is everyone being so nice? Will someone say something CLASSIST?!”

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Christmas. It’s so Gay. And not in the good way.

Posted by idetest on December 27, 2010

Hola Chicos,

I Hope we all had a good one.

In fact I hope it was so good that you’ll all want to keep the memory sacred by never having another opportunity to have it ruined by a mediocre Christmas next year. And with that in mind I say we ban Christmas.

Now I know what you’re thinking “Oh, he’s a rampantly anti-Christian liberal, leftie bastard who won’t let us celebrate our mildly paedophiliac (Word?) holiday about some bitch what got knocked up and was too embarrassed to tell everyone the truth that the father was Bucktooth Barry and not the School Football Captain, Joseph (Little did everyone know though that Joseph had a baby dick and a water sports fetish. So, all in all of course poor wee Mary had to go find love in the arms of another).”

Which I am.

But also I am a Socialist Muslim Terrorist Commie who believes that Capitalism and Organised Religion form two corners of the trinity of evil (Lesbians being the third corner) and that when they are brought together humanity’s darkest days are upon us.

Want Proof?

Dec. 26, 2004. A magnitude 9.0 quake struck off the coast of Sumatra, triggering tsunamis that swept through the coastal regions of a dozen countries bordering the Indian Ocean. The death toll has been estimated at between 225,000 and 275,000.

Dec. 26, 2003. An earthquake devastated the ancient city of Bam, in central Iran, leaving between 31,000 and 43,000 people dead.

And that’s just what I found on some weird Canadian news website after approximately three seconds of googling. The fact that both those things happened in mostly Muslim and other non-Christian countries further proves a point…or possibly ruins my point. I’m not sure. There are arguments for both

Non Christians deserve to die BECUZ DEY IS MUZALIM INFIDELZ.

Non Christians have died as God’s wrath against us for our butchering of Christmas.

Whatever. I’m just glad they didn’t happen here.

In short, I say we ban Christmas. Mostly cuz I’m fucking sick of it.

Think about it.

  • Everything shuts down for weeks.
  • You have to spend it with your family. Ew.
  • It’s destroying the world’s natural resources by making us buying lots of Made In Taiwan plastic junk that’ll be used for approx. five seconds before we tire of it and throw it away.
  • Bad, bad, BAD, BAD Christmas Television.
  • The poor Queenie having to do her annual message. She’s not a natural on camera, can she please be let off this obviously stressful duty and allowed to go and glug down a few bottles of sherry like every other OAP on Christmas Day?
  • I may have mentioned having to spend it with one’s family already but there are certain things in life that one must always make sure that other people are aware of. Like the horrors of enforced family togetherness time.

So, who’s with me? Let’s KILL JESUS!

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Yuletide Bitchin’

Posted by idetest on December 22, 2010

Hola chicos

Well today I started my Christmas Vay-Cay (Heeeey!) so I thought I’d celebrate with vodka, jesus LIST OF THINGS I DOTH HATE

Ok, mein ein kinder, it’s been a long and hard winter so far and the Lord sees fit to let it continue so I warm myself by glugging down the sweet nectar and letting my-inner-not-very-nice-person-but-good-deep-deep-deep-deep-deep-deep-down engage it’s full on hatetitude.

Hallelujah. Stuck that in yo’ pipe and smoke it, Jesus (Pronounced Hey-Zeus. You racist)

  1. The inability of humanity to subdue their base instincts while using public transport and forcing me to deal with their disguising habits while enclosed in a metal box hurtling through the underworld.
  • These include the sub categories of
  • Slightly overweight blonde girls in Ugg Boots who can’t seem to lift their feet while traipsing their fat asses around the town. For fuck’s sake lift up your fucking feet you crass, classless little plebs before I take those ugly pieces of filth of your feet and ram them down your over-used piehole of a mouth. You slags (said in a Barbara Windsor voice).
  • Them what make out on public transport (particular mentions to disgustingly attractive Spanish, French, Italian and other romance language nationalities. Especially the teenagers. You fuckers, just go make a sex tape if you’re so desperate for us to see your O-face. Also mentioned: unattractive, overweight people desperate to prove they can get some. At least the continentals just go in for some kissy-kissy actions. If I wanted to see you dry hump something I’d wait in your closet until you thought you were alone with your World of Warcraft boxes. Sick)
  • Fat people. You know your crimes.
  • Tourists what don’t seem to understand basic instructions: move to the side if standing on the escalators rather than walking up them, move to the side of the platform rather than standing in the entrance with what seems like every suitcase ever made, rather than blocking it for everyone else. I hate you all. Except Germans, I quite like German ones: they apologise if you glare at them while they’re doing it and shamefacedly hurry out of the way. Bless.
  • People who seem to think we can’t see them picking their nose. Dude, you’re in a carriage with 100 other people. We’re a metre away from you. We can see you licking your fingers afterward as well. You are disgusting and when the revolution comes I shall make sure you are first in line for the firing squads.
  • TFL in general. A strike? On BOXING DAY? Oh, you utter cunts.

2. X Factor, ITV and all those who watch it. Yes, all twenty million of you. It’s terrible! The bloke who one couldn’t even sing and it seems more and more apparent that yes, Cheryl Cole is actually as dumb and chavvy as first thought and yet, YET still 1/3, ONE FUCKING THIRD of the population watched it. There must have been hospitals full of people just holding on to die just to get those sort of numbers. It’s a travesty. I refuse to partake in anything X-factor related unless it’s an official burning ceremony for all of Cheryl Cole’s hair extensions.

3. The Tories. Then again…. did you know the partner/wife/girlfriend/beard of the émigré Jew henceforth known as The-Miliband-Brother-What-Won is worth £16 million? Yeah, she’s a Paris Hilton in disguise heiress to some bizarre fortune. This may be wrong. It may be someone associated with them. But whatevs. Close enough for my liking for me to say “They are all as bad as each other.”

4. That Jodi Picoult is still writing novels.

5. Sarah Palin is still around I see.

6. The world’s continued refusal to realise how brilliant I am and that I should be listened to emphatically on all subjects.

7. The fact that people think I should find their children cute. I don’t. I’m tempted to push it in front of a car. Especially if it touches me again, if I liked children surely I’d have closed my eyes, lay back and thought of Ricky Martin (ahem) with some of psychologically unstable, obese McDonalds employee named Denise to have a few of my own by now. Obvs. that is not the case. (I swear to Allah it isn’t).

So no, the next time your only reason for living (get a life, you sad maladjusted freak) decides to LOOK at me or even worse, BREATH near me, do not be surprised if I dropkick it into the path of an oncoming large vehicular shaped thing quickly coming towards at a high speed. Because, that, that my darling is what I find cute.

8. Snowmageddon! Snowpocalypse! …Or in reality a few inches of snow. I don’t understand why every year the newspapers go mad. It’s just frozen rain, you don’t need to run articles saying (as was in the Daily Express this morning) that Christmas would be ruined and we were facing a zombie apocalypse because soon the supermarkets would have empty shelves. Huh, frankly that would be a good thing for most people if we all lived on our fat reserves for a few days. A collective national detox. Most wonderful.

9. Americans. British slang. It’s just painful for everyone. This also goes for British people being obsessed with Americanisms…and more recently Australianisms: Aforementioned bloody Ugg Boots. Ugh.

10. Christmas time in general. No, I don’t want to spend hundreds of pounds on shitty gifts for friends and family that they don’t want or need, no I don’t want to have to wait several weeks for everyone to come back to work and to sober up. I want my services and I want them open NOW! No, I don’t care about NYE. I spend my life staying up till midnight and drunkenly saluting the clock going “Well, you win another day, monsieur (*suddenly points out arm and waves finger menacingly*) But my time shall come!” I don’t see why I should have to do it with the rest of humanity on this particular night.

There’s also the usual rant about how capitalism is evil, etc, etc in there as well. Just look for it. Read between the lines.

Good night.

Now fuck off.

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Well I have one in Leopard Print. So there!

Posted by idetest on October 18, 2010

So my beloved M.I.A. went out dressed like this the other night to an award show.

So basically what she’s trying to say here is that the recent burka ban in France was bad? Or that women who wear burkas are not being persecuted and oppressed because it’s their choice? Or that they are because it isn’t their choice? Or that in the west we misjudge them? Or that we misjudge M.I.A. and don’t really know her? (admittedly this is a strong possibility as Americans who comment about her are often surprised to discover she’s not an American let alone a British born Sri Lankan) Or is she saying that what’s on the outside does/doesn’t matter and we don’t really know someone by seeing them and prejudging them? Or is she saying “Dang this is some cool shit I picked up at duty-free in Islamabad?”

Well whatever. When I get blown up on the tube by a suicide bomber I’ll know who to blame.*

*Americans. Because you couldn’t just let Obama take over and make us all into Muslim Socialists, could you? Tea Party cunts.

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Dumbo Speaks the Truth

Posted by idetest on October 11, 2010

This man apparently knows me well.

 

I'm not saying it's a big contrast or anything...

 

Andrew Marr, has dismissed bloggers as “inadequate, pimpled and single”, and citizen journalism as the “spewings and rantings of very drunk people late at night”.

I’m just glad he knows we exist. What with him being so busy being a useless political reporter. No seriously. He is useless. And anyway, taking the debate down an intellectual notch (chance, fine thing, insert own comment here), who is he to comment on other people’s looks?

Read the full article here. If you’re not too drunk while masturbating over a pair of your own mother’s underwear, you sick, perverted little creeps. Dirty.

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