Hola bitches!
Well, I’ve been away a while (attempting to live out my dream of meeting either Snooki or Lindsay. The things I had to do.) but now I’m back and let’s dive straight into it with a post on my favourite subject: the telly box.
Yes, lest we let the lazy, hazy days of summertime interrupt with our regularly scheduled programming that enables me to keep my pasty white (I prefer ‘alabaster’ and ‘porcelain’ but most people just think of Nicole Kidman when you say that, and since bitch is now officially the creepier half of her and Tom Cruise I say No, thank you!) skin in perfect transparent condition.
Let us begin.
Sherlock (Sundays, BBC One)
So Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson have been moved forward to 2010. And yet they still live on Baker St. Despite that neither have a proper job and it’s in Zone 1. Whatevs.
The show is something that works for the first half an hour and then spends the rest of it trying to figure out how to do its denouement on a budget. Basically it’s not quite slickly produced enough to pull off what it’s trying to do (namely a big budget American style TV extravaganza) and always falls slightly flat.
That said Benedict Cumberbatch (what a name!) and Martin Freeman (err, not a name) are both great actors and do the script justice. Howevs. Benny Boy Needs to SPEAK UP IN ALL FUTURE EPISODES. As I can’t hear a bloody word he says. It’s just as well my flatmate is Japanese so we have the subtitles on our TV at all times anyway, otherwise the plot would make no sense.
Young, Dumb and Living off Mum (Sundays, BBC Three)
The jackpot of trashy, guilty pleasure TV. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll despair for our generation. It’s amazing. Basically over indulged, useless, unemployed slackers who sponge of their peroxide blonde mothers are sent to live in a posh house in Kensington and forced to live as adults and SHOCK HORROR do work! (And then things start getting real, no, yes? Is that where it’s heading?)
Also they’re all as thick as shit and all the guys, bar one, are raving homos so we’re talking levels of campness and stupidity not seen since the Carry On films were first made. However an episode I watched I saw someone I knew on it. So that’s exciting.
Also it’s narrated by Robert Webb. And he’s such a bitch. Wonderful.
Grandma’s House (BBC Two, Mondays)
Ah, Simon Amstell. Remember him? He was the floppy haired Jew what used to host Never Mind the Buzzcocks before it went shit?
Yeah. That bloke. Aside from wanting to marry his adorable cockney, Jewish ass and thinking that he was hi-wait for it-larious on the Buzzcocks, I watched this show not really having and predilections. Oh, lord. ..Well we now know that stand up comics cum TV presenter do not an actor maketh.
Yes, Simon Amstell is a very, very bad actor. But this only serves to highlight what a good cast he’s managed to assemble as his fictional TV family. The show is fairly funny in some places but an instant classic I think not. Oh, well. Better luck next time you gorgeous little Jew. Marry me.
Mongrels (BBC Three, Tuesdays)
My new favourite. How I love thee, let me count the ways. I’m not sure why I love it so- maybe it’s the irreverent cutaway Family Guy-esque moments, maybe it’s the musical interludes, maybe it’s the pot shots at B and C list British celebs, maybe it’s that Mongrels is filthy and foul-mouthed and wonderful. Yes, yes I think that’s it.
The show is about a bunch of puppet animals living in the back garden of a run down Eastend pub who spend their days trying to get laid and kill each other. Wonderful. There’s Nelson the posh fox, Marion his immigrant stray cat BFF, Kali a homicidal chav pigeon (even I thought I’d never write that sentence) and Destiny, a dumb as shit but HAWT Afghan princess. And they are all my babies.
Also the show scores points for having Katy Brand voice Kali the pigeon. And Katy Brand wins at everything all because of this:
Anyone else got any recent favourites?
It's easy to hate. So I do. 