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Oooo Burn Finland!

Posted by idetest on May 9, 2011

Yeah, take that you herring eating, sauna obsessed Scandies!

(Actually just last night I was espousing to a couple of Spaniards that they could solve all of Spain’s unemployment and financial woes by invading Portugal – cause it’s not like anyone would notice, is it?)

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Bookie Wookies (Without Russell Brand of course)

Posted by idetest on May 7, 2011

Hola, book review time! Here’s what I’ve read over the past couple of months

Of Human Bondage, W. Somerset Maugham.

I’ve loved some of his other stuff that I’ve read-Cakes and Ale is one of my favourite books of all time- but this prolonged vanity exercise in how to depress your reader and infuriate them with your protagonist’s backboneless buffoonery has led me to have to quit good ole Maughy. It’s also supposed to be all but a memoir of his twenties. Ye gads, no wonder he buggered off to the south of France. Wouldn’t you?

Still want to read The Painted Veil though. Not even a movie version with Naomi Watts in it could dampen my enthusiasm for that.

The Girl Who Played With Fire, Stieg Larsson

Oh, those Swedes! I bought the first one in the series last year because it was on cheap, got a little addicted and read it in two days. Then did the same with this one. It’s still a crime thriller but it definitely counts as a good one. Howevs one cannot say one enjoys reading about a protagonist who is loosely based on the author getting his end away with every woman he meets because there’s some sort of animal magnetism about a commitment phobe divorced serial adulterer journalist in his mid forties. Also the female lead character is bisexual and we get never ending scenes with her and her lesbian lover having muff fun in the first half before he remembers to start the action. Also, all other female characters seem to have their sex lives explained to us but not the male characters. Which is odd.

Also, Sweden is commonly regarded as a utopia (Albeit a cold one). And yet apparently it’s corrupt from top to bottom with a completely useless social services and healthcare system that couldn’t get itself out of a wet paper bag. But que sera and all that jazz. This is a crime thriller after all.

Mapp and Lucia, E.F. Benson

Camper than a row of pink tents with a bunch of gay guys on poppers having sex in them while Kylie and Lady Gaga run around outside having a diva-off. Funny, fluffy, fun.

Vile Bodies, Evelyn Waugh.

I hate Stephen Fry. I hate Catholicism. I hate Brideshead Revisited. I hate spoofs and satire when they go overboard and fall into the eye-rolling silliness and farce category.

Put all these things together and you’ll understand why I skimmed several parts of this book. Interesting subject matter. Badly, badly executed.

Have also read some Brontë but words cannot bring themselves to discuss it. Am currently reading the third and final instalment of the Swedish lesbian tale as well. Also about to start on Bram stoker’s Dracula which I’m really looking forward to.

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Dearest Bloggie

Posted by idetest on April 20, 2011

Today is yo’ lucky day. I’m giving you videos. Watch. Laugh. Cry. Press replay.

And in proto-femisnism news:

Don’t say I never do anything for you.

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Real Housewives of The Service Industry

Posted by idetest on April 20, 2011

I went to my work party last night.

The theme was ‘retro glamour’

I ended up looking like a gay pirate who was going to boarding school.

And was dismayed to find out it was actually nothing more than a heterosexual breeding experiment in an overpriced basement bar.

Also, my friend got cheated on by a Hungarian barman and I saw someone getting a handjob on the dance floor.

Like the countess says, money can most definitely not buy you class.

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Summertime, When The Weather Is Fine…

Posted by idetest on April 16, 2011

I’m not saying where I live is vastly superior to the country bumpkin-ass hole you reside in… but does your local park have an 18th century stately home in the middle of it that was built by the Rothschilds?

No, didn’t think so.

Au reservoir.

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Australia Gets Owned: Tommorow, When The War Began – A Movie Review (Mate)

Posted by idetest on April 13, 2011

 

G’day cobba, sheilas and all my little possums from down on the farm.

Yes, children, once again I left the house so you don’t have to.

 

Let us discuss the latest masterpiece of the much derided genre of ‘teenagers doing things they can’t in real life’. And this addition’s quite substantial.

First off a disclaimer: I have read all seven of the books. And no, I’m no ashamed

Some points.

1) The girl from Neighbours has a strange accent but manages to carry the film quite nicely

2) Pity the same can’t be said for several of her castmates who lack …how shall we say? Any acting talent

3) The guy from Home and Away. Yeah he’s not all that much face wise but once he gets his shirt off it’s a whole other ball game.

4) The CGI and special effects: surprisingly good for a fairly low-budget film.

5) Unfortunately many of the jokes, themes and other recurring instances of what it’s like to be an Australian teenager didn’t carry over too well. It just mostly cluttered up the action scenes with unnecessary dialogue that didn’t really go anywhere and wasn’t especially amusing.

6) They’ve already announced films two and three.

Also I’m glad they actually made the enemy Asian rather than leaving it non-descript as it would have become a bit “Eh?” if so and also one does like that it was updated with everyone checking their cell phones every five minutes and using skype. Also I was glad they got rid of all the endless reminiscing. so much reminiscing in that book. Most of it to do with girls doing dodgy thing with their underwear and a slightly creepy overtone of a middle-aged man writing stories about teenage girls getting their periods.

 

Few things that did rankle me though: I don’t remember several of the characters being as annoying as they were in the book (I mean the female ones; particularly the Christian girl who I recall was more hands on.) but what can you do? Any adaptation is bound to be rife with changes. They can’t please everyone.

 

All in all it’s far from perfect but it is tense and does have some good car chases and action scenes. And, I have to admit…Austrlaia does look nice.

It’s still a shit hole though.

 

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The Gays Be Doing Their Thang

Posted by idetest on April 4, 2011

So I’ve had this conversation many a time.

 

The dark-haired guy is kinda cute in a white trash goes prep via a meth addiction kinda way. Which is very in right now. But alas his bottom teeth look a little funky. And as he is not physically perfect in every way he is dead to me.

Also-man bags FTW!

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Neither Fair Nor Accurate

Posted by idetest on March 31, 2011

The previous post was a list of 100 books that the BBC has compiled which it thinks everyone should read but estimates that most will read on a very few of.

Naturally it has been on facebook. And naturally my computer skills failed me so that’s why this post in two parts.

Also I only gotl ike 25.  Though this was totes because I had seen so many of them as movies or….as BBC adaptations. See, it’s shooting itself in the foot. It’s own, smug contemptuous foot.

How many have YOU read?

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List, List, List

Posted by idetest on March 31, 2011

1
Jane Austen
2
JRR Tolkien
3
Charlotte Bronte
4
JK Rowling
5
Harper Lee
6
Various
7
Emily Bronte
8
George Orwell
9
Philip Pullman
10
Charles Dickens
11
Louisa M Alcott
12
Thomas Hardy
13
Joseph Heller
14
William Shakespeare
15
Daphne Du Maurier
16
JRR Tolkien
17
Sebastian Faulk
18
JD Salinger
19
Audrey Niffenegger
20
George Eliot
21
Margaret Mitchell
22
F Scott Fitzgerald
23
Leo Tolstoy
24
Douglas Adams
25
Fyodor Dostoyevsky
26
John Steinbeck
27
Lewis Carroll
28
Kenneth Grahame
29
Leo Tolstoy
30
Charles Dickens
31
Mark Twain
32
Jane Austen
33
Jane Austen
34
CS Lewis
35
Khaled Hosseini
36
Louis De Bernieres
37
Arthur Golden
38
AA Milne
39
George Orwell
40
Dan Brown
41
Gabriel Garcia Marquez
42
John Irving
43
Wilkie Collins
44
LM Montgomery
45
Thomas Hardy
46
Margaret Atwood
47
William Golding
48
Ian McEwan
49
Yann Martel
50
Frank Herbert
51
Stella Gibbons
52
Jane Austen
53
Vikram Seth
54
Carlos Ruiz Zafon
55
Charles Dickens
56
Aldous Huxley
57
Mark Haddon
58
Gabriel Garcia Marquez
59
John Steinbeck
60
Vladimir Nabokov
61
Donna Tartt
62
Alice Sebold
63
Alexandre Dumas
64
Jack Kerouac
65
Thomas Hardy
66
Helen Fielding
67
Salman Rushdie
68
Herman Melville
69
Charles Dickens
70
Bram Stoker
71
Frances Hodgson Burnett
72
Bill Bryson
73
James Joyce
74
Dante
75
Arthur Ransom
76
Emile Zol
77
William Makepeace Thackeray
78
AS Byatt
79
Charles Dickens
80
David Mitchel
81
Alice Walker
82
Kazuo Ishiguro
83
Gustave Flaubert
84
Rohinton Mistry
85
EB White
86
Mitch Albom
87
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
88
Enid Blyton
89
Joseph Conrad
90
Antoine De Saint-Exupery
91
Iain Banks
92
Richard Adams
93
John Kennedy Toole
94
Nevil Shute
95
Alexandre Dumas
96
William Shakespeare
97
Roald Dahl
98
Victor Hugo
99
Charles Dickens
100
Evelyn Waugh

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Housekeeping

Posted by idetest on March 23, 2011

I’ve neglected you of late, I know. I die of the shame. So here, in my beloved list form, is some stuff you should think and consider as your drink yourself into unconsciousness on this warm spring eve.

1) I read The Tenant of Wildfell Hall. I wish I hadn’t a lovely little story about emotional manipulation and hot guys who be packin’s bein’ all rebel with a cause a la nineteenth century ruined by being written by a Brontë sister and their godforsaken love of God and fuckin’ Jesus.

2) Also now reading Somerset Maugham’s Of Human Bondage. Yeah, wish I wasn’t. If you ever desire to read this just skip from about page 250 to 400 otherwise you will find yourself sitting on public transport tutting, rolling your eyes and lobbing it across the train with an exasperated “Oh, for fuck’s sake.” at the pathetic protagonist’s lack of a backbone or any sort of testicles.

3) Saw True Grit. Friend and I did so on a whim after we decided Never Let Me Go looked depressing. Instead we got weirdo southern cowboys and proto teenage lesbians. And Matt Damon doing a Chuck Norris impression. And squickly violence. This was the week after we went and saw Black Swan and were both still “Ew, EWWW!” over the scene with the finger…

3a) I still love you Keira Knightley.

4) I’m on a diet. This is exciting, no?

5) Read this

6) And then pay it no heed, cos girl you FIERCE! (Except you, you’re ugly).

7) I bought new shoes! Hurrah for credit card debt and our generation thinking nothing of spending money we haven’t got!

8 ) Met The Duke and Duchess of Gloucester, Prince Richard (Who?) and The Duke of Westminster over’t weekend. And also John Prescott. Google him you ignorant, unwashed hobos.

9) And by met I mean served them food at a 5* hotel.

10) And by served I mean I nearly dropped it in their laps and then got yelled at by my manager.

Wish you were me yet?

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